devonNicole

My Formal Letter to 2011

Dear 2011,

   I want to start off by saying thank you.  During your period of time I have grown up.  I think I can honestly say that I am an adult now.  I have never felt so alive in my 23 years as I do in this moment writing this letter to you.  I fell in love this year with an amazing, beautiful woman and I am not afraid to say it. Her name is Ileen, you’ve met her.  Meeting her and having her in my life was pure joy, I had never felt so connected to a human being.  Waking up next to her everyday was like breathing in a new life.  But! I was selfish and I thought with my head instead of with my heart and I lost her, that was the most agonizing pain I have ever had to go through; watching and feeling someone walk away from you and knowing it truly is all your fault.  She changed me though, she opened my eyes to a light I haven’t ever seen before and has made me a better friend and a better partner.  You see 2011, your older brother 2010 really did a number on me, but I’ve learned my lessons and got a grip so that your new sister 2012 can meet a new and improved me.

I had my highest highs this year but also my lowest lows.  I don’t share my feelings often because I don’t want people to think less of me or see a weakness.  I am not comfortable in my own skin, I feel young and beautiful but thats not always what my eyes see in the mirror.  So for 2012 I am working on winning the battle with my weight and learning to love myself unconditionally.

I am working on myself this next year.  Finding my happiness and focusing solely on myself! Thank you for introducing me to yet another new group of friends and also for letting my relationships with old friends grow and become even more loving and caring.

Truly yours,

Devon Nicole Hinsey

ours

when you know, you know

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I’m trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I’m getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I’m done hoping that we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn’t happen overnight but you turn around
And a month’s gone by and you realize you haven’t cried
I’m not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I’m busy getting stronger
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sara-evans-lyrics/a-little-bit-stronger-lyrics.html]

And I’m done hoping that we can work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I’m better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I’m getting stronger without you, baby

And I’m done hoping we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

updates

Well, here goes something.  I haven’t updated my life in awhile, might as well do it on a sleepless morning with coffee in hand.  My dream in life is to be a writer, just to write…about nothing in particular but about everything that matters.  Being alone with a blank page in front of me isn’t intimidating but more a demand of your existence.  To write means you are alive and you can express your feelings.  For me writing is how I get the feeling out, I can’t speak the words I want to say most of the time for fear I won’t get everything out.

Anyways I have been toying with the idea of going back to school.  My mom would be proud, I feel like I need something challenging in my life and I do miss learning.  Only time will tell with that one.

Recently I have mended some things that were broken in my life, some things that I tried to let go of but my heart wasn’t having any of it.  It feels nice to have some people back in my life… and I thank God for you everyday.  On a lighter note I feel I have met my match, the person that makes my life balance and who I wake up for every morning.  I resisted that feeling for a long time because of the hurt from previous relationships, but then she found me. And she loves me for who I am…personality, character, morals, height, humor, intelligence and weight.  There is no better feeling in the world than finding someone who accepts every single aspect of your life, down to the nitty gritty. 

Life is good for the time being, peace and love always.

in the end

“Ultimately I think we realized that we really, really love each other and I feel like that’s all it takes.” – Sajdah, The Real L Word

Harry Potter-IT ENDS!

Well, it is all over now.  I feel like a piece of my childhood is now locked away in a place that only my kids will someday be a part of.  I hope that someday my children will read and watch Harry Potter with as much love and appreciation as I have these last 13 years. 

Looking around the theater last night it was nice to see people only my age, these are the fans that have read and grew up WAITING for the next book to be published, not waiting for the next movie to be released.  I remember the day book 3 came out, The Prisoner of Azcaban, my personal favorite.  I was walking home from school hoping someone would take me to Barnes and Noble to pick it up and when I got home there was a UPS package on the front porch.  My mom had preordered and had it delivered to the house, it was probably the most memorable gift I had ever received…aside from NSYNC’s No Strings Attached cd, but that’s for another day!

Every book I got I finished too soon to make it last, and then proceeded to reread it a few more times before the next book was released…two years later. 

I’ve attended every midnight viewing for every movie, it’s always much more fun to be in the theater with such great fans who actually know the story and can applaud and laugh and cry because it’s that good.  Anyways… I’ll leave you with a few memorable quotes that have become mantra’s for every muggle fan or the wizarding community.

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.”-Dumbledore-Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore-Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” - Dumbledore - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

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